Admirers of staid public policy, stable national security and generally consistent behavior from the executive branch have no doubt felt a sigh of relief over the first six months of the Biden Administration. On the other hand, white nationalists, Christian dominionists, and fans of general chaos have suffered greatly now that a funnel of depravity no longer bubbles-up daily from the White House. But for those in withdrawal from their steady fix of bigotry, gaslighting and overall insanity, last weekend’s CPAC ‘sequel’ in Dallas was a desperately needed beacon of hope.
Traditionally, CPAC - short for the Conservative Political Action Conference - convenes once a year outside Washington, D.C. as the public-facing gathering of the most influential voices among the conservative base. But this year’s first attempt, held just weeks after the attempted-sacking of the Capitol by hundreds of CPAC’s target demographic, was a lackluster and ill-focused event. It was quickly decided that a do-over was in-order, and just like that CPAC II (Electoral Fraud Boogaloo?) was on, sending four thousand of the MAGA faithful on a pilgrimage to Dallas, in all its sweltering mid-summer glory.
Skeptics might question the wisdom of packing the same crowd in front of a similar line-up of grifters and propagandists just five months after CPAC’s February fizzle and expecting a different outcome. But those naysayers clearly haven’t been paying attention to the Herculean effort put in by right-wing media, invertebrate GOP officials, and especially the MyPillow Guy over the past few months.
The hive-mind from Hell that is MAGA Nation has done what they do so well: rewriting history and working-over the events of the election and transition until the actual facts are softer than a Delmonico’s veal patty. Now, they’ve coalesced around a handful of conspira-- err, issues they see as the defining battles of our time. As such, a second shot o’ CPAC was the perfect venue at which to introduce the hills on which the GOP wishes to fight (and perhaps die) between now and November 2022:
· Donald J. Trump won the 2020 Presidential election in a Beautiful, Tremendous Landslide, only to have it stolen by treacherous Commies and satanic baby-eaters. On the third day (after the third Trump indictment) he shall rise again and be seated by Clarence Thomas and Brett Kavanaugh back in front of his favorite TV in the White House residential wing…or something like that.
· An insidious black-Marxist conspiracy known as “Critical Race Theory” is being forced upon all white toddlers who escaped being eaten by the Libs. To stop it before it destroys the country, all mention of America’s historical struggle with race must be outlawed when children under 35 are present.
· COVID 19 is a hoax, invented to damage Donald Trump’s Presidency… a hoax that would have killed millions of Americans….were it not for Donald Trump’s bold leadership to contain it, through the development of the vaccine….which is actually a deadly Democratic tracking device which no conservative should ever get.
· Wholesome conservatives, having spent decades harmlessly rage-boycotting everything from the Dixie Chicks and Janet Jackson to Pepsi, the NFL, and Keurig coffee makers, are suddenly being victimized by a nefarious “Cancel Culture.” This shameful lefty plot seeks to punish regular heartland folks for innocently using the N-word online, for politely demanding the execution of Tom Hanks or Mike Pence, or posting helpful updates on the Covid vax being a bio-weapon designed to turn patriots gay. The only solution: massive government regulation, just like Reagan would’ve wanted!
It’s a lot to take in all at once, I know. But what you might see as the rantings of Grandma Ruby when she’s forgotten her meds, the GOP views as their winning strategy for 2022!
And for anyone thinking that scaring the pants off as many older, gullible, fear-based voters as possible may not the most effective way for the Republicans to recapture the House and Senate, it’s time to recall to the GOP’s central messages for the 2010 midterms (“black President Obama wants to kill Grandpa with Death Panels,”) and the 2014 midterms (“black President Obama is trying to destroy America by importing Ebola,”) then ponder the conservative landslides they delivered…
If nothing else, this superfluous CPAC means that it’s just 7 short months until they do it all again next February, probably at Mar-a-Lago. And after that, it’s just a mere 9 months until mid-terms. Buckle-up, folks.
——————————————————
Also spotted at CPAC II:
Lauren “Qbert” Boebert trots out what seems to be a snarky Tik-Tok dance, of sorts:
Don Jr. dazzles with some insult-comedy gold:
The Former Guy feeling at home enough to share his secret poll response strategy: